‘Then he (peace be upon him) saw a people who had in front of them excellent meats disposed in pots and also putrid, foul meat, and they would eat from the foul meat and not touch the good meat. He said: “What is this, O Jibril?” He replied: “These are the men from your Community who had an excellent, lawful wife at home and who would go and see a foul woman and spend the night with her; and the women who would leave her excellent, lawful husband to go and see a foul man and spend the night with him.”’
[Hadith on the Isra’ & Miraj of the Prophet (peace be upon him)
We both stared into the distance as we sat in that restaurant about to eat. An eerie silence filled the space around us. There was a fleeting moment of guilt that was quickly superseded by the waiter bringing the drinks across. She had ordered an orange juice and I a bottle of Coke.
Somehow we had learnt to suppress our emotions towards our family and our guilt towards the situation. We had learnt to lead a parallel life, this one never to intertwine with the other. She had her husband and children at home and I had mine. But they were seldom mentioned. We just lived in the moment knowing that soon enough we would be back home in the arms of our partners with no one being any the wiser that this meeting took place.
As the waiter approached with the food, the conversation began to flow and the sombre mood was lifted. There is something about the aroma of freshly grilled lamb chops and greasy fat chips that excites the stomach and warms the heart. One of Man’s many loves is the love for food and good food never fails to add character to any meeting. The conversation flowed from how was work to how was the family to what books were being read to the colour of the food and the varying tastes.
In the current world of instant messaging and social media, getting wound up in the web of an affair is very easy. You start off just messaging, maybe just on emails at first, then you begin to text, and then it slowly leads to phone conversations, maybe even a video call or two, before leading onto the ultimate sin of meeting a person of the opposite gender who is not your Mahram.
Sometimes it’s just innocent chit chat that takes place during these conversations and meetings, and other times there may be a bit of flirting and romantic talks going on. Some relationships are completely virtual with no physical contact whilst others are at the other extreme with full blown physical contact and intimacy.
The plethora of options available to one are many and all of them are just as bad and wrong as each other.
In our case we always chose to meet during the day time, in a public space, so that we were never alone together without the presence of others, be they strangers in our midst. Generally we would communicate via email, the occasional telephone call and the even less frequent meeting up. This didn’t make anything right, but it did ensure that were not able to take our relationship to the ultimate level of intimacy and we were both happy with that.
What started off as an innocent virtual friendship those 15 years ago, gradually transformed itself into a full blown affair minus the physical intimacy. Looking back at it now, I can’t believe how easy it was and how long it lasted.
Once you get yourself into something like that, it’s very difficult to get yourself out. Anyone in the early stages of a post martial affair should think long and hard about what they are doing and the people that they are hurting, because trust me the consequences and the hurt that results from an affair far outweighs the temporary pleasure that one obtains from it.
If you’re in it, leave it!
©Islamopdia – Written anonymously ‘Confessions of a Serial Cheater’ is a collaboration between Islamopedia and others to raise awareness of the issue of infidelity in marriage. Although the characters and the narrative are fictional, the story is based on true events and reflects the pain that many women (and men) have to suffer due to the selfish actions of one partner. The purpose of this series is to stop anyone engaged in such activity before it’s too late and deter anyone thinking of committing such a sin before they fall into it. NB: Anyone having trouble in their relationships should seek professional help from qualified scholars and counsellors.