Category Archives: Confessions of a Serial Cheater

Confessions of a Serial Cheater VII – Confession


-and those who, when they happen to commit a shameful act or wrong themselves, remember Allah, then, seek forgiveness for their sins-and who is there to forgive sins except Allah?-and do not persist in what they have done, knowingly.

[Qur’an 3:135]

Oh Allah I confess to you my sin, even though you are the All Hearing, All Seeing, in the hope that you will help me to get over what I have done. I confess my sin openly Oh Allah, even though I committed it in secret, seeking from you Your Grace and Your Forgiveness.

I have let myself down, but more importantly I have let me family down. I have let my wife down. I have let my children down. I have let down everyone that has shown me any love and compassion. And for this I am truly sorry. Truly, truly sorry!

I have let you down too my Lord by disobeying your commands and prohibitions. I have let you down by letting myself go astray. I have let you down by letting myself down. I am your unworthy servant, seeking to change his ways, Ya Rabb, please will you listen. Listen to the cries of this sinful soul.

I regret this affair oh Allah. I regret it very much. I now realise how wrong and blind I was to be involved in such a relationship, with such a woman, for such a long period of time.

If I was told that I only have one chance of going back in time to change just one aspect of my life, I would go back in time and ensure that I never met this person in my life. My life would have been so much sweeter without her in my life.

I take back what I did, and everything that I said. I take back the Du’as that I made I pray for you to erase this portion of my life from my records.

I promise never ever to go back to this person or this sin ever again. I would rather that you take my soul away, Ya Rabb, than for me to go back to my former ways. It has taken me 15 years to learn this lesson and it’s 15 years too late!

I have lost everything because of what I have done, I have lost everything because of her, and I would never to choose to go back to her again. I have lost my wife. I have lost my children. I have lost my family. I have lost my friends.

My plea to you is this Ya Allah. Have mercy upon me and find a means to forgive me. There may be something good that I have done in my life that was pleasing unto you. Use that as a means to forgive me Ya Rabb.

I also pray for you to forgive my family and bless them in their life in this word and the next. I was not able to give them the happiness that they deserved Ya Rabb, provide them that happiness to them in my place instead.

Bless my wife for the patience that she showed, the hardship that she put up with, and the heartache that she has suffered. I love her dearly and even though I am not able to express this to her anymore, I pray that you will guide and look after and fulfil for her all her hearts desires and wishes.

There is nothing that I would not give to be back in her arms. But I have lost that privilege due to my unfaithfulness.

Bless for me my children, and raise them as strong believers. Not as weak and feeble believers like I have been. Bless them to fulfil their life’s goals, and give me a chance to reunite with them soon in this world.

I will take whatever punishment that you throw my way, I know that I deserve it. But I also know that Your Mercy prevails over Your Wrath and therefore will continue to seek your forgiveness until my last breath.

Ameen

©Islamopdia – Written anonymously ‘Confessions of a Serial Cheater’ is a collaboration between Islamopedia and others to raise awareness of the issue of infidelity in marriage. Although the characters and the narrative are fictional, the story is based on true events and reflects the pain that many women (and men) have to suffer due to the selfish actions of one partner. The purpose of this series is to stop anyone engaged in such activity before it’s too late and deter anyone thinking of committing such a sin before they fall into it. NB: Anyone having trouble in their relationships should seek professional help from qualified scholars and counsellors.


 

 

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Confessions of a Serial Cheater VI – The Consequences II


and those who do not invoke any other god along with Allah, and do not kill a person whom Allah has given sanctity, except rightfully, nor do they fornicate; and whoever does it, shall face the recompense of his sin,

[Qur’an 25:68]

The previous entry focused on the consequences in the word and the things that I lost. But it is also worth noting the spiritual consequences of such actions and the punishment reserved in the hereafter for those like me, unless of course we repent and seek the forgiveness from those that we have hurt.

It sends a shudder up my spine when I read these now, yet I should have read these then and taken heed. My only comfort is in the hope that maybe, one day, before I die I can make amends for the wrongs I have done and seek forgiveness from the loved ones that I have hurt. Continue reading Confessions of a Serial Cheater VI – The Consequences II

Confessions of a Serial Cheater V – The Consequences


Yet it may happen that you hate a thing which is good for you; and it may happen that you love a thing which is bad for you; God knows, and you know not.’

[Qur’an 2: 216]

That scene that I described in part I is no more. I no longer walk home to a loving wife. I no longer come home to the smiling gaze of my children. Instead I walk home to an empty room with just a single bed and a small wardrobe. There is a horrible stench in the room due to the previous occupant of the room being a heavy smoker. I have to share dirty cutlery and a messy kitchen. I have to share a toilet and bathing facilities with several others, some of whom lack the most basic hygiene skills.

You hear in the news stories of people who have broken up from their families and how they end up in the street with no purpose in life because they have lost everything. Although I’m not there yet, I could just as easily have been. Continue reading Confessions of a Serial Cheater V – The Consequences

Confessions of a Serial Cheater IIII – The Affair


‘Then he (peace be upon him) saw a people who had in front of them excellent meats disposed in pots and also putrid, foul meat, and they would eat from the foul meat and not touch the good meat. He said: “What is this, O Jibril?” He replied: “These are the men from your Community who had an excellent, lawful wife at home and who would go and see a foul woman and spend the night with her; and the women who would leave her excellent, lawful husband to go and see a foul man and spend the night with him.”’

[Hadith on the Isra’ & Miraj of the Prophet (peace be upon him)

We both stared into the distance as we sat in that restaurant about to eat. An eerie silence filled the space around us. There was a fleeting moment of guilt that was quickly superseded by the waiter bringing the drinks across. She had ordered an orange juice and I a bottle of Coke. Continue reading Confessions of a Serial Cheater IIII – The Affair

Confessions of a Serial Cheater III – Marriage


‘O young people! Whoever among you is able to marry, should marry, and whoever is not able to marry, is recommended to fast, as fasting diminishes his carnal desires.’

[Sahih Al Bukhari]

Our parents tried to do right by us. They married us young to avoid us falling into sin. They tried their utmost to keep us on the straight and narrow.

Her parents took her to Egypt and found her a good decent man to marry. He was well educated and had a good job back home. When he came here he studied and found himself a decent job earning a decent wage. She had everything going for her. She was being looked after and taken care of, she had her freedom and independence, she had everything a girl could want or need. Yet she still felt she this desire and need to be with ‘him’.

My parents found me a good wife. They searched and searched until the found the right one. She was young, pretty, and had good Akhlaq and character. She was from a noble family. She ticked all the right boxes. When I saw her, I fell in love instantly. It felt like a match made in heaven. We got married and instead of living in our ‘happily ever after’, I felt the need to stay in contact with ‘her’ and continue this rendezvous’ whilst being married to my wife.

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) encouraged us to marry young. The main reason for this is so that we can stay away from the haram and be with the opposite gender in a way that is halal and acceptable to Allah (SWT). But in order for this to work one must start the marriage on a clean slate. One must leave behind any baggage that they carry from previous relationships and make a firm commitment to remain faithful to the one that they have married.

If you are a young man or woman embarking on this sacred bond of marriage, please make sure that anything that you have from you past life that can jeopardise your marriage remains in the past. There is no need to take the baggage with you. Leave it at the departure lounge and free yourself from it for it will bring you nothing but your downfall in the future if you take it with you. Leave the past in the past, draw a line in the sand, and make a fresh new start with the one that you chosen to make yours.

Our problem was that she didn’t let go of the baggage and neither did I. We both thought that we could remain ‘friends’.

It was a disaster waiting to happen. And disaster did strike. Not once, not twice, but many times during our 15 year marriage.

 

©Islamopdia – Written anonymously ‘Confessions of a Serial Cheater’ is a collaboration between Islamopedia and others to raise awareness of the issue of infidelity in marriage. Although the characters and the narrative are fictional, the story is based on true events and reflects the pain that many women (and men) have to suffer due to the selfish actions of one partner. The purpose of this series is to stop anyone engaged in such activity before it’s too late and deter anyone thinking of committing such a sin before they fall into it. NB: Anyone having trouble in their relationships should seek professional help from qualified scholars and counsellors.

Confessions of a Serial Cheater II – How it all Started


 

The Declining Day

In the Name of God, the Infinitely Good, the All-Merciful.

By the declining day. Verily mankind is in ruinous loss. Except they that believe and do good works, and exhort one another unto truth and unto patience.

[Surah Al Asr, Verses 1-3]

Let me transport you back to the year 1998. What were you doing back then? Who were you with? Perhaps you were still at school, or perhaps you had taken a new job? I know exactly where I was and what I was doing.

I was a fresh graduate from Uni and I had just landed my first job as a trainee in a top city accounts firm. It was a fairly mediocre administrative position, but it helped to get my foot in the door and I could use it as a leverage to work my way up the career ladder.

I was a practising Muslim and I tried to keep myself busy engaged in doing good works. I was involved with the local Masjid and local Muslim Youth Organisations. I spent time attending courses and Halaqas and tried to keep myself as occupied as I could. Continue reading Confessions of a Serial Cheater II – How it all Started

Confessions of a Serial Cheater I – Life as He Knew It


“The servant will continue to be tried until he is left walking upon the earth without any sin.”

[Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2398, Grade: Sahih]

It’s 4:30pm on a Friday afternoon. I have just come off the phone to a counselling service. I never thought I would ever need the assistance of a counselling service in my life. I always saw myself as a jolly old fellow who didn’t let the worries of the world get on top of him. But this was different. This wasn’t a worry that was bothering me. This was an addiction that was killing me. Killing me inside, slowly. Killing my soul and breaking down all of the defence barriers that it has to ward off such evils from oneself.

On the way home that evening there was only one thought on my mind. That thought was my wife. The only woman in my life that has stood besides me through all of my trials, through sun, rain and snow, through thick and thin. She has remained faithful to me in spite of all the pain that I have caused her. I love her dearly but I fear the day that she decides she has had enough and decides to leave me. That will be the day that the world ends for me as there will be no purpose to live any longer. What good is a life without your lover beside you, your partner being there to hold your hands, your companion to share your days and nights with? Continue reading Confessions of a Serial Cheater I – Life as He Knew It