Confessions of a Serial Cheater V – The Consequences

Yet it may happen that you hate a thing which is good for you; and it may happen that you love a thing which is bad for you; God knows, and you know not.’

[Qur’an 2: 216]

That scene that I described in part I is no more. I no longer walk home to a loving wife. I no longer come home to the smiling gaze of my children. Instead I walk home to an empty room with just a single bed and a small wardrobe. There is a horrible stench in the room due to the previous occupant of the room being a heavy smoker. I have to share dirty cutlery and a messy kitchen. I have to share a toilet and bathing facilities with several others, some of whom lack the most basic hygiene skills.

You hear in the news stories of people who have broken up from their families and how they end up in the street with no purpose in life because they have lost everything. Although I’m not there yet, I could just as easily have been.

My wife was heart broken and shattered when she found out about my affair. Although she had caught me out several times previously, this time was different. I had cried wolf too many times and I had kept going back to my sinful ways. She had had enough and asked me to leave.

My children were disgusted with me, and although they were very young, they still understood the gravity of what had happened and what their father had done. I could not look them in the eye any longer due to the intense shame that I had brought upon myself.

My parents, siblings and extended family members don’t want to know me. They have shunned me from their lives and do not want to have anything to do with me.

My friends, they are courteous to me when I am in their presence, but I can tell that they talk about me when I am not around.

And the woman for whom I risked all of the above? Where was she? I’ll let you take a wild guess… She was nowhere to be found!

The first sign of trouble and she ran. She went back to her family and she continued life as if nothing had happened. She didn’t want to know me anymore and she left me in the dumps to suffer on my own.

This my brothers and sisters is the consequences of having an extra marital relationship.

At the time you may think that you can keep it hidden, that you won’t get found out, that you love each other and want to be together, that you can’t live without one another. But remember that Allah will expose you. Maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow, but one day soon! And when that day comes, you will lose everything that you have worked so hard to build up in your life, your husband/wife, your children, your home, your family, your friends, and maybe even your job and more.

Think about it, is it really worth risking all of this just for the sake of some temporary extra marital bliss?

Always remember that Allah knows what is BEST for you, and Allah CHOSE for you the people that you have in your life because they are the ones that are MEANT for you and are GOOD for you. Allah will send you various people in your life, some will be a test and others will be a blessing, some will leave and go while others will stay for the long haul. Put your trust in Allah and be content with the people that Allah has placed in your life without going and looking for this in a haram relationship from which no good can come from it.

Appreciate what you have been blessed with and remember the words of Allah ‘Yet it may happen that you hate a thing which is good for you; and it may happen that you love a thing which is bad for you; God knows, and you know not.’

I am still standing today because I still have that small iota of faith left in me. I still believe that there can be a chance still in life for a loser like me. Although I have let down everyone in my life, I pray to Allah to help pick me back up and to help me rebuild my life in the right way this time.

If I wasn’t a man of faith then I would certainly have ended up in the streets or possibly even dead in a canal somewhere. But our faith teaches us to have hope and to believe that change is always possible no matter how low you have become. And even though I have lost everything, I will try my best to pick myself up and make another go of things and to make it up to all those that I have hurt along the way.


I am Barsisa

The monk that sinned

And though he was destroyed

I am still here standing


Barsisa may have perished

But my fate shan’t be the same

I will fight with all my might

To defeat the Shayateen


I am Barsisa

But like him

I shall not end

I shall fight my demons

And begin my life again

©Islamopdia – Written anonymously ‘Confessions of a Serial Cheater’ is a collaboration between Islamopedia and others to raise awareness of the issue of infidelity in marriage. Although the characters and the narrative are fictional, the story is based on true events and reflects the pain that many women (and men) have to suffer due to the selfish actions of one partner. The purpose of this series is to stop anyone engaged in such activity before it’s too late and deter anyone thinking of committing such a sin before they fall into it. NB: Anyone having trouble in their relationships should seek professional help from qualified scholars and counsellors.